Chapter 6 – new – Enjoying Being a Parent

Children can be one of the greatest joys of your life, or they can be a hassle and a burden. They will be exactly what you expect them to be.

My parents thought of children as a burden and a responsibility. They did their best to take care of me and my siblings, but they acted largely out of a sense of a burdensome duty, rather than happiness or love. As a result, my parents had a miserable time raising me and their other children.

As all young children do, I assumed that my parents were perfect and knew what they were doing. I now realize that they learned from observing their parents, who learned from their parents, and on back to the first of my ancestors, who learned from some monkeys. So as I grew up, I assumed that children were a hassle, a burden, a responsibility, and a lot of trouble. When I had children, I treated my children as if that were true. I used to spank my 2 & ½ year-old son 3 or 4 times every day. My dislike for him was getting stronger and stronger, because I felt bad about hitting him, but he wouldn’t behave, even though I was doing what my parents had done to me. (Duh!) I was actually trying to crush his will so that he would follow my commands. I was very lucky that a friend of mine saw that I had no clue about how to take care of children and gave me a copy of the book “Between Parent and Child”, by Dr. Haim G. Ginott. This book explains that children respond in predictable ways. If you know what to expect of them, you can get children to behave very well. And you’ll find that children are a joy.

After reading Dr. Ginott’s book, I stopped hitting my son and began using the recommended procedures. There were no changes in my son’s behavior for the first six days, and then on the seventh day --- like magic --- he started doing everything I wanted. It was amazing. And because I wasn’t hitting him any more, I didn’t feel bad about myself or uncomfortable about the pain I was inflicting on him.

So, I strongly suggest you get a copy of “Between Parent and Child” if you are a parent or expect to be one soon. The person you help most may be yourself.