Chapter 1 – How Human Emotions Work

Chapter 1 – How Human Emotions Work

When I was in college, a friend of mine made a statement that accurately assessed the innumerable philosophies, methods, and admonitions we were constantly bombarded with and our reaction to them. He said "If you're not confused, you're wrong."

Since those days, I've become aware that many of those who assess human behavior and propose solutions or ways to make life better have some truth in their analysis. Inside, each of us has a sense of how things ought to be, but too many of us lack the roadmap to get there.

It is my observation that chronic stress is the single biggest enemy of mankind. The emphasis is on “chronic”. Stress has a natural function as one of our responses to situations we face in daily life. In a human body that is functioning naturally, stress is released after it's served its purpose. An example will illustrate. In a "fight or run for your life" encounter, stress gets the heart rate way up, speeds up our reactions and thought processes, and may make us a more formidable foe for a short time. What should occur after the tense situation has passed is that the body should relax.

Relaxation is a much more pleasant sensation than stress. A truly relaxed body feels really good --- not neutral, average, or boring. I'm talking jump-up-and-down-and-run-around-the-yard-as-fast-as-you-can happy, the way a puppy or a 1-year-old child feels! Think about how a puppy or a young child acts when they see you --- all the joy. That's exactly how we all used to feel when we were little. Do you still feel that way now? If not, the cause is that you are carrying stress around with you long after the original reason for it has gone.

Why and, more importantly, how do we do this? I'm glad you asked. The typical human being has learned many "automatic" responses to deal with the world. An example is the refusal of most men to cry in most situations. This is a learned response. How about grinding your teeth? Getting a headache when you're tense or angry? Sweaty palms when you know you have to shake hands? Losing your temper exactly the way your father or mother used to? The typical person has learned an array of responses to deal with the situations he or she faces daily.

Most of these responses were formulated when the person was a very young child. It may have been the best solution the child could find to deal with a situation he or she had to face repeatedly. A three-year-old boy who desires to hit his father may fight the urge by clenching his fist or tensing up his arm. This may well be a better response in the situation that the 3-year old faces, since hitting his dad may result in a beating. Over time, the tension in the arm may become chronic. The boy may never relax the muscles used to fight the anger, as a way of avoiding the emotion which was deemed too dangerous to feel when he was young. The emotion effectively becomes locked in the muscles, which form a partnership with our ever-watchful subconscious to "protect" him. Unfortunately, the penalty for this chronic tension is a loss of the extremely pleasant feeling of relaxation. When we reach this point, we may actually lose the "Joy of Life".

Different individuals have different interwoven networks of these automatic responses. Some have more, some fewer. Some responses may be overpowering, some very subtle.